The Hammock Giveth & Taketh Away

Recently, I decided we needed more hammocks. Who doesn’t? I mean, we have a hundred trees. And, what goes with trees and Pilgrims? Hammocks!

I’m a big fan of the hammock. We had a big one in Seattle under the covered deck overlooking the pool. I could lay on it in the shade and watch the kids swim from there. Jeff strung up a camping hammock for the kids and they would beg to sleep in it on warm summer nights. And I had one in the Espacio Creativo in Valencia. Just in case I became tired while painting. 🤣

The hammock was one of the first things I put up when we moved to the farm, and I have used it quite a bit on lazy summer days. But, it’s more of a banana style hammock. It encloses you like a pea pod. I prefer the big, wide canvas hammock. Or, a wide rope hammock.

People who come here, like to rest and relax. And where is better on a warm breezy day than a hammock, under the shade of a leafy chestnut tree? Nowhere. So, I bought two new hammocks and Jeff strung them up. Then, he went to take a nap in the house.

I got into the hammock, just fine. But, soon I discovered that the sun had changed position and drifted directly into my field of vision. I needed to be on the other side. I haven’t laid in a big wide hammock in a very long time. So, I forgot the tricky bit. Aka the balancing required when entering and exiting a hammock.

I got turned sideways but then the hammock tilted. I scramble to restore equilibrium. Don’t ask me how, but soon, I had been turned upside down, yet, still entangled in the hammock. Honestly, it all happened so fast, but yet in slow motion, it defied the laws of physics. A turtle on my back, I was officially stuck! Like a cartoon character. As though caught in full body Chinese handcuffs, or quicksand, the more I tried to free myself, the more entangled I became. It wasn’t not a little humiliating. What could I do?

‘Help! Help!’

But Jeff was asleep. I heard LuLu kitty meowing loudly at the window in the living room, herself distraught at my distress. But, even if she was outside, she lacks the required opposable thumbs with which to free me.

‘Help! Help!’ I cried. Praying it was loud enough to awaken Jeff, but not loud enough to summon Marie Carmen, next door. I can just hear the conversation between our neighbors if Marie Carmen could see me in this state.

<uproarious laughter> ‘…and then I heard a cry coming from their house. I ran over there and she had gotten herself tangled in her own hammock! You should have seen her. Like a fish in a net!’ More laughter. ‘Americana idiota!’ <eye roll>

‘Help! Help!’

Finally, I hear the front door open. Soon, I am looking up into Jeff’s face. He is laughing. ‘How did you manage this?’ He asks me. Not in a mocking way, yet. He actually wanted to know. Like, the math involved.

‘Don’t ask me that! If I knew, do you think I would have done it?! Just get me outta here.’

‘Let me take a picture, first.’ he reached for his phone. Big mistake.

I gave him my Darth Vader death stare. ‘You know eventually I will get out of here.’

He put the phone way, then unwound me and restored both me and the hammock to our natural states. I was not happy it had taken him so long to respond to my plight, and said so.

‘Well, I was sleeping. I thought it was a dream. Then, I realized that it was you, and the cat, crying for help.’

But I was having none of it. ‘Just help me get back in it, and bring me my cellphone, just incase it happens again.’

Jeff looked at me incredulous. ‘Do you really think you could do that whole thing, again?’

Heavy sigh. I didn’t need to answer his question because we both know the truth. Somehow, some way, I could do it again, just like the first time. Without even trying.

2 thoughts on “The Hammock Giveth & Taketh Away

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