Be Our Guest

To borrow a phrase (bald faced lie) from the Great Pumpkin – ‘People say to me all the time, Kelli, you should talk more about your life. We never get any insight into what you’re thinking, or your day to day.’ And I must apologize for my lack of detail and my over- exaggerated need for personal privacy. Thus the following.

So, we are trapped together in this apartment. And it will be going on for sometime yet to come. I’ve decided we need to treat it like we’re on a cruise ship – whose captain refuses to tell us when it will dock. So, last night I sent Jeff a WhatsApp message while he was in his office tinkering. I invited him to join me in the dining room. It’s officially ‘Puzzle Night!’ I made up a flyer and slid it under the door. I wanted to give him a heads up via text to keep an eye out for it.

Join Us for Fun and Frolic Tonight @ The Dining Room in Chez Field

We’re gonna get crazy finishing up The Amsterdam Bike Puzzle

Starts at 8pm – Shaving is Required (You not me) – Don’t be Late!!!

He sent me a message back. ‘Is this a date? Are you asking me out on a date?!’

This gave me pause.

‘Well. I don’t know if I would call it a date, exactly. And the ‘Out’ part would be illegal in any case. Its more of a community event. Hence the flyer you received – as did everyone in El Compartimento. Like – it’s a group of us getting together. We’ll have to see how it goes.’

Psst… He was late. He’s a dude. But not that late. And me and my emerging multiple personalities didn’t even get into an argument with him about the right methodology for puzzling. We all just worked on it together.

Jeff has suggested we move all the furniture around and pretend we’ve moved to a new location. I think it’s a great idea. This weekend we’ll take a little vacation – get dressed up in shorts and tank tops and I’ll whip up some frozen drinks with little umbrellas. I’ll say something like:

‘Wow – it’s so beautiful here this time of year.’ While donning my sunglasses to block out the glare of the intense Moroccan sun on the Saharan Desert.

And Jeff will say something like:

‘Yes. But it sure is hot!! Whew! Next time let’s vacation in Svalbard and see the polar bears.’ (That’s the northern-most island in Norway and where the global seed vault is located – This will surprise no one who knows us that we’d want to go there.)

Then I’ll energetically nod in agreement because they don’t have the Coronavirus in Svalbard – at all, cause we looked it up – and our next vacation will definitely involve virus-free locales.

Today I have a writer’s conference all day. I was supposed to be in London mixing with the literati – but it was not to be. I’m not a little disappointed. It’s always better to meet people in person. And I’m also a little bit of a fan of conference swag. Once, after a conference in Orlando I had to check an extra bag home for all the conference swag. On that front Jeff is relieved I’m locked in the apartment. All the conference content will be performed via Zoom with asking/answering questions on-line. And I’ll get to have some of my writing critiqued. Really looking forward to that.

But just wait until next week. Our packed cruise ship schedule includes B-I-N-G-O (1 euro per card – it’s a fundraiser), Hallway shuffle board with shower squeegees and cans of tuna, a Scavenger hunt for Jeff’s wallet. Always a hoot!And my favorite- the Living Room Talent Show I’ve been working on producing for quite some time -two very long days. The breadth of talent is unprecedented. Including never before heard arrangements of song stylings from Oscar and Hammerstein’s classic The Sound of Music – well, just the songs sung by Gretel, cause I played her in the 3rd Grade. The 1970’s hit YMCA performed by me simultaneously as the Indian Chief, Cop in the buttless chaps (don’t ask), and the Construction worker – with complete spelling. Then the grande finale; an emotional reading of ‘The Raven’ by Edgar Allen Poe. Sure, it’s eclectic, but I just know Jeff will love it!

Until then, so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye! Stay sane, Stay safe and Staaaay in-siide. It kinda rhymes.