Clean bill of health

I had two goals today. The first has been to shred all our old documents and files that have been moved from house to house and never sorted through. This means going through boxes of files and filing cabinets and my desk – page by page. I’ve located many copies of birth certificates of our kids, Adoption papers for our daughter, old art projects and report cards. I’ve even found nearly every annual review for both my husband and myself for our jobs in the last 25 years. Those were a fun read!

To help facilitate this, yesterday I bought an industrial shredder. My previous one could handle two pages at a time and shred for about 5 minutes, before needing a half hour rest break. For this project, I need much more power and stamina in my shredding. This will go on for days, based on what I’ve seen so far. Just the 25 years of tax returns will take hours.

The second thing I needed to accomplish was getting our Dr. to sign the letters the consulate requires stating that we have a clean bill of health. This is all according to the requirements in the International Medical Convention or some such. It goes like this:

Kelli is free of drug addiction, mental illness, and does not suffer from any disease that could cause serious repercussions to public health according to the specifications of the International Health Regulations of 2005. These contagious diseases include, but are not limited to smallpox, poliomyelitis by wild polio virus, the human influenza caused by a new subtype of virus and the severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS), cholera, pneumonic plague, Bellow fever, viral hemorrhagic fevers (e.g.: Ebola, Lassa, Marbug), West Nile Virus and other illnesses of special importance nationally or regionally (e.g.: Dengue Fever, Rift Valley Fever, and meningococcal disease).

Some of these I had to look up. I am unfamiliar with the Rift Valley and ‘wild’ polio – that sounds worse than regular polio. But this was where I think my document karma is kicking my butt again.

I called our Dr’s office earlier this week and explained what I needed. This actually took two phone calls. The first time I left a message – that wasn’t returned. The second time I got a live person. I explained my situation – the importance of the letter and the exact wording. I also offered to bring it to them on a flash drive so they could print it on their letter head, sign it and stamp it. They said ‘No’.

Ugh. Apparently, for my convenience, I must communicate electronically with my Dr. using something called ‘My Chart’. They insisted, this is the only way I can get this letter. So I go out and try to set it up but it doesn’t work. I phone their help desk who tells me that this is the worst tool in the world, the instructions are crap on the website and that it will take me at least an hour to get this done. But I have no choice, so I sit on the phone while they get me through it. Finally, I’m in.

Next, I got to the messaging part of ‘My Chart’ and send all the instructions to the Dr. so I can get my letter. I cut and paste it all in there and then I wait.  The following day, when I’ve heard nothing, I send him another note and wait. Nothing. Finally today, I call them to ask if he’s gotten my two messages and when I can pick up the letter. They tell me he doesn’t have access to ‘My Chart’ yet and they’ll give me their letter head, to print my own copy of the letter. Then I can bring it back for him to sign.

OR…I can bring it to them on a flash drive and they’ll get it to me by Monday. Wait! Isn’t that what I offered to do before I had to got through all the ‘My Chart’ nonsense? Cause, I think it is. So I just ran it up to the Dr. office. I put it in the original .pdf format that I got from the consulate, and in a .doc version so they could easily make it work with their Office software. I told this to the woman who came out to get said flash drive. Her response?

‘This is highly unusual. I mean, we really need to use ‘My Chart’ (psst – they don’t have access yet) – and I’m not sure we can use this technology.’

It’s a flash drive! The world uses flash drives in jungles and sub-Saharan Africa! If my medical providers, who have all been to some sort of college, I think, can’t figure out how to get a document off a flash drive and print it out – I need to find new medical providers.

So, I’ve decided its not them, it’s me. It’s my document karma for this little project of moving to Spain. Luckily, in all these boxes, I found my stash of white sage. Everyone knows white sage will drive the boogey man and bad juju out of any building. So tonight, I’m doing just that. My house, and me, needs a clean bill of health – or a document karma reset!